We need people Attachment bonds to grow , For security and healthy self-esteem. The form that takes that link will determine to a great extent the happiness that it provides us.
However, not all types of attachment are appropriate or healthy. Some of them, instead of providing confidence, offer us Negative emotions That make us bitter. Do you know what type of attachment you have established with your partner?
Today, in our space, we invite you to delve into this interesting aspect of human relationships.
1. Anxiety or insecure attachment
To understand the basis of insecure attachment, we will put a simple example . You have a working dinner with your classmates. You have not yet arrived at the restaurant when suddenly, you start to receive messages from your partner.
It may have been that meeting, that outing with your classmates; However, an hour has not yet passed when it begins to To get nervous . Interested in knowing the names of the people you are with. He asks you if you do not miss it already, if you would not be better at home than at that dinner.
Little by little, you are coaxing with your anxieties, your fears. His distrust. We are sure that this type of attachment is known to you. Even so, you must also know each one of The dimensions That these people usually manifest:
- They need samples of Almost constant love , As if we were forced to show that we still want them. Sometimes, even the sexual act is almost like a manifestation of "Property"that of real affection.
- They are very Pending our reactions . They worry about unimportant things, imagining that something bad happens in the relationship and that we are going to leave them.
- They change very easily from smoke R. There are times when we are the best of their life, as instantly, they are apathetic and distrustful, as if we had done something negative.
- They use Emotional manipulation As a more subtle and effective weapon. There where to execute his will by means of blackmail, by means of the ultimatums of all or nothing, or even, becoming the victims to achieve its purposes. We must be careful.
2. Distant or cold attachment
People who are characterized by a Distant or cold attachment , Understand affective relationships differently from what is usual, or what others expect. They do not need closeness , Demand personal space and are not very emotionally expressive.
This does not mean at all that they do not love us, it is simply that their way of doing it does not correspond with ours. He is distant and scarcely needs that bond with affection and affection, which causes a great deal of Suffering in the couple .
But what other aspects usually characterize them?
- They can not interpret the emotions of the couple . They have little empathy and do not identify the needs that the other person may have.
- Always need Your own space . Physical space and personal space. If at any moment we surpass that limit, they feel very annoyed, hurt and even, betrayed, as if we were incapable of understanding them. While they do not see is our own suffering.
- They often prefer solitude . Hence, they usually avoid serious commitments and prefer sporadic relationships.
- Being cold does not mean that they do not have emotional needs. They simply choose to repress them.
- They are people who also have their own concept of How affective relationships should be. Moreover, they may even have the concept of what it is "the ideal couple ". An idealization to which nobody, absolutely nobody, can reach, which, once again causes great suffering.
3. Secure attachment
People who build their relationship based on a secure attachment type are the most stable and affective and personal enrichment they usually get. But what is their secret? What is secure attachment based on?
- Secure attachment is based on the mutual trust . In being a mature, balanced and self-confident person who is not afraid of commitment and who has A future project with the person you love .
- He does not show jealousy. He does not need to control the couple because he trusts her.
- They are people who also see necessary Have your own personal space , But they give of themselves to build their own as a couple, while allowing their partner to have their own. Respect, know how to build and in turn, understand the importance of having a project. To make equipment.
- They can talk and discuss with respect . They understand that differences are common in all relationships, but they know how to give way to join bridges, to reach agreements in a democratic way.
- They do not manipulate, there is no selfishness. They know how to listen and do not create mistrust, but they worry daily about agreements: on caring for the person they love.
In conclusion. An important aspect is worthy of note. The healthiest thing is to establish with Our partner A secure attachment. But in reality, we all have a few brushstrokes of these 3 types of attachment.
It is even good, for example, to feel jealousy from time to time. There are also many times that we look for that personal and personal space, where to be alone. However, it is desirable that The basic axis is always a secure attachment , Let's say 80%. The rest, it is normal to fall from time to time at the ends.
So now tell us in what way do you love? How do they love you?