Talking about sex with children should not be difficult. Sex is part of life, it's natural. However, for many parents it is not so easy to do so. The fears themselves come to the surface, and make it difficult for the subject to be treated spontaneously.
However, no matter how much it costs, we should know that our children need this information for their integral education . The sexual education that they receive from the parents in the best support to later enjoy their sexuality healthily.
Why talking about sex with children is so difficult?
The difficulty in talking about sex with children is precisely in that it's a conversation that puts us in the position of confronting ourselves , with our fears and prejudices.
The first thing we need to talk about sex is naturalness. A 4-year-old child does not need to know all the details of intercourse, but when he reaches 14, the situation changes radically. The information varies according to the interests and maturity of our children .
The naturalness to talk about sex with children is based on a fundamental premise: sex is everywhere , not only in our bodies. On television, on social networks, in music, in advertising, on the street ... Everywhere there are erotic attitudes and messages.
As much as parents want elude the subject , children and adolescents are in permanent contact with manifestations of sexuality. Therefore, the best recommendation is to address the issue from childhood. Do not wait until it reaches adolescence.
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How do I talk about sex with a little boy?
Basically, you have to avoid giving more information than they need . There is no need to anticipate issues that are not even within the interests of children, except with one exception: sexual abuse.
As curiosity wakes up sexuality , it is possible to give more information. Search pedagogical resources in books or the Internet can be of great help to respond to any concerns that may arise.
Nevertheless, with the issue of sexual abuse, do not wait long . Surely it will be the only topic you will introduce without waiting for the questions, because it is unlikely that a young child has any ideas.
A great time to talk about sex with children is bath time . While soaping, we give first the exact name of the genitals. The inaccurate names convey the idea that there is something wrong with that part of the body, and it is not like that: sex is part of life.
But, unfortunately, the abusers They are people with problems. So the earlier you can teach them that no one should touch their genitals, family, friends or strangers, much better. The prevention of sexual abuse begins at home.
And when the children become teenagers?
As children grow older, questions about sex become more complex. To talk about sex with teenagers, a lot is needed naturalness and frankness . It is also necessary a lot of reflection to be able to guide without transmitting our own insecurities.
Opening communication with children does not mean intimidating them with questions that make them feel uncomfortable. Avoid judging. The main thing is to create a climate of trust , but also of respect for the decisions they want to make about their sexuality.
When teens begin to be attracted to other people, the day will come when they will think about when it is time to begin sexuality. It would be extraordinary that before seeking guidance from other people, they can trust their parents .
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Does talking about sex with children lead them to have sex?
When you see the alarming rates of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases in adolescents, it is common to ask if the problem has been due to excess information.
Nothing further from the truth. Talking about sexuality or contraceptive methods does not arouse interest in getting started in sex. That is a myth, not only false, but very harmful.
Maybe your son comes to confirm with you what he could have already decided or is about to decide. So, it is better to give him what he needs. If your son is looking for you, it is because he needs your support and understanding. Give a clear answer and complete information.
If you do not feel ready to talk about sex with your children, seek help . Adolescent children who want to have sex will do so with or without your authorization. So, is not it better for mom and dad to be prepared and support them to avoid unwanted pregnancies or diseases?
What if they already want to have sex?
Getting started in sexuality is an individual decision . As parents, it is only up to us to make it clear that sex can not be reached through pressure from the couple or to gain the acceptance of friends. The best way to start having pleasant and pleasurable sexual relations is the sum of freely deciding and acting responsibly towards oneself and the other.
Sex also involves emotions. Our children should know that sex has consequences, not just the obvious ones. Your feelings and those of the other person will also be part of the meeting . So there is always the possibility of leaving with a hurt heart.
It is also important to overcome the idea that only girls should prevent pregnancies. The sons are also involved in this responsibility. Pay close attention to this.
To talk about sex with children, you have to check yourself . It is the best way to approach the subject without prejudice. If we have questioned the information we receive from our parents, is not it better that we make an effort to be as honest as possible with our children?
No one better than mom and dad to give the first information about sex . Undoubtedly, the notions they receive at school are a good start; Parents, on the other hand, should be the ones who provide the best orientation, based on the values that are important for each family.